It’s all taboo, right? Your period in general, but also your period and diabetes.
BUT THEN- you add mental health and body image to the mix.
So let’s make it more taboo- harder to talk about. More to work through.
It’s the things people don’t really talk about that make you sit there wondering- is it just me? But if you take each thing separately- diabetes, periods, and mental health/diabetes- someone is talking about it somewhere (maybe not a lot, but at least someone is). The fact that people are talking about those 3 means has to mean that it’s not just me, right?
And I think to myself, but golly… isn’t that superficial?
But it’s one of those things I have to remind myself- they’re all valid feelings- valid concerns.
I've told the OBGYN that I don’t mind the excess acne and hair. Right now, yes - I do have “higher priorities” like just getting the period under control. But of course there’s that part of me that wants the acne to disappear and for the hair to maybe at least grow a little slower.
Plus, when I’m on my period, I feel gross, bloated, and greasy. I’m stuffing my face too- after I’ve tried hard to not give into every single craving (of course I give into some). Since my period really does affect me, I’m putting in even less effort than usual. At least I’m getting out of bed though!
Then the anxiety associated with my period and blood sugar roller coaster comes into play- all of the what if’s and wandering thoughts add to feeling unattractive.
But it’s not just those things- I get this overwhelming sensation that I don’t feel attractive. My confidence levels go down. I don't feel good enough.
Then the play of social norms hits sometimes. It’s not the fact that I don’t want to have children, but it comes from when the doctor told me I’m probably not very fertile. It kind of hit me- well there’s another thing to the list for dating and beyond. Then another thing hit me- why does this feel attached to my confidence and worthiness levels- even though I know this isn’t how it should be- but I can’t always stop my mind from going that direction.
That’s where the social norms hit me- again- another thing that my body is technically supposed to do- that it can’t. Another part of me is…broken…defective.
How I feel about my body is something I’ve been working on for years- especially loving myself and having more confidence. I have come A LONG way (plus getting older helps)!
Luckily these thoughts aren’t all consuming- the thoughts come up every now and then. I try to remind myself about social norms and to love and believe in myself. But ya know? It’s hard- these thoughts do sting.
Taking care of my body and recognizing that it's not my fault- that’s a huge part of moving past the feelings of unattractiveness. Yeah, my body doesn’t work how it should- but it sure does push through a lot every day! That's what I tell myself over and over and over again until it sticks- at least for a while.
And I do love to jam out to Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like a Woman!” But sometimes I don’t want to feel “everything” associated with "being a woman."