I’ve been very lucky to not have experienced diabetes burnout in the past five years since I’ve had the disease. I’ve had my moments of “This really stinks!” or “I wish this would just go away!”, but those moments usually last an hour or so. I can pick myself back up, once my blood sugar has recovered, and get on with my day after a good cry fest. But right now I’m going through a feeling of apathy towards diabetes. Maybe I’ve got into a routine with handling type 1 diabetes and a high-risk pregnancy, but the past few days I’ve had a very “meh” attitude towards diabetes.
Perhaps my indifference towards diabetes is due to the fact that my last A1c was 5.3%. Or maybe because my last ultrasound showed that my little girl was measuring exactly as she should be with no evidence of “big baby” due to diabetes. But I feel like I’m going through the motions with managing my diabetes on a daily basis. I wake up, test my blood sugar, eat breakfast, go about my morning, test and eat lunch, get through the afternoon, test and make dinner, and test again before bed. And most days I eat the exact same thing to eat every day, especially for breakfast when my insulin dosage needs to be exact.
What’s surprising about my outlook on diabetes right now is that my routine is nowhere what I thought it would be before I got pregnant. For some reason, I thought that I would be a lot more disciplined in my diet, like avoiding all carbs. I also thought that my average trend would be 100 mg/dL throughout the day. I wanted to be perfect for nine months; however, I couldn’t even be perfect for one day without being pregnant and all those variables. I haven’t been avoiding carbs, quite the contrary, and my average may be closer to 120 mg/dL with a lot of spikes and dips. And I had some very emotional moments when I thought I wasn’t doing things the way I should have been. But over time, I realized that my less-than-perfect routine was doing nothing but driving me crazy. My averages are fine, and my daughter is healthy—that should be perfect enough for anyone.
So in this last trimester, I’ve focused less on keeping a perfect trend line on my CGM and more on getting ready for her arrival. Diabetes is right where I like it to be most of the time: in the background, being managed when I need to with little to no emotion. Right now, the nursery is covered in little girl clothes that need to be washed and toys that need to be cleaned and put in the toy box. I have my first baby shower in two weeks followed by my childbirth class soon after. Meanwhile, I will go to my biweekly doctor’s appointments with a positive attitude because I’m doing this! I feel very in control of my diabetes right now because I’m not letting it affect me emotionally, and that’s the best victory I can ever have.