June 2, 2011
Much like an Alcoholic, I have fallen off the wagon. Maybe we should get chips like they do. The poker kind not the lays kind.
Yes girls, I am alive and well. Actually, the well part is still out for the jury to decide. I apologize for my hiatus. I have been hiding. Sadly, I have fallen off the path of health and happiness and succumb to my temptation of bad habits, sugary, carb laden foods, and not testing my blood sugar thus putting my recently celebrated successes in grave jeaopardy.
It wasn’t until seeing an email nudge and knowing that she was both checking in on me and giving me talking to about my slackness as a blogger. This forced me to acknowlege my responsibilities and come back for this heartfelt confession.
It has been a rough couple of weeks. My diet plan, as with all diet plans came to a head when my cravings took over my common sense and good intentions. My doctor at the weight center tried to infuse me with encouragement. My therapist tried the same and for a good portion of yesterday, my comeback day, I was good. I logged my food. I made plans for exercise. Then, the stresses of work, the heat and my desire for real food and my extreme lack of energy got the best of me. A margarita was the exclamation to my very bad day.
I know we all have these days but mine seem to last for weeks when they come. So for abandoning you ladies, I sincerely apologize but my shame and guilt did not afford me the courage to face you until my leader called my bluff today. I haven’t even read the email so I have no idea what it says. I am just imagining the “worst”. Shirking my job is pain enough. Much like with a parent, the physical look of disappointment is worse than any punishment.
I have no doubt you ladies are more than forgiving and I thank you for that. That is what we are here for right. Honest, communication of our struggles and support in getting through.
I hope to be on the program soon as this is not just a small stumble. It affects my health and the quality of life. I can liken it to so many things but that seems extreme. I am struggling with good ways to deal with stress that steams from work. It consumes me and I have literally been so exhausted and overwhelmed that I do not have energy to do anything but eat and sleep.
My therapist has requested I go to the doctor to make sure there is no medical reason for this lack of energy which I plan to do but I am soooooooooo tired of doctors too. Alas, this is my life. Even though it is time consuming, doctors are a necessity. You guys know that as much as I do.
I saw a new chiropractor as of yesterday to look into my back, neck, and knees which are putting a dent in my walking plan. I realized that I have 20 weeks til the Avon walk in October and I am nowhere near ready!
The eating plan. AAAHHHH!! I am trying to incorporate more veggies. I have found a couple articles that are geared towards turning veggie haters into veggie lovers. I am not holding my breath for that but I would like to be a veggie acquaintance at least.
So that is me. That is why I have been MIA. I hope you guys forgive pray for me to get on the straight and narrow path back towards health. I sent my insulin pump back today. I hope I won’t be seeing that again. All my hard work, only go back to square 1. Can’t happen. No, No, I won’t go!
I guess I will go and read that email now and face the consequences.