When I first found out I was pregnant, I wanted to keep it a secret. Not because I wasn't excited about my pregnancy, but because I wanted to get out of the "danger zone" before telling anybody. The time period I'm referring to is that crucial first 8-12 weeks where the risk of having a miscarriage are the highest, and having type 1 diabetes put that risk at the front of my mind. Knowing from the beginning that I was considered a high risk pregnancy made me want to wait until we were absolutely sure this pregnancy was a solid go. So my husband and I kept mum about my pregnancy until we heard the heartbeat at 8 weeks. I felt optimistic but cautious that we would have a live baby to hold in a few months.
The day before that appointment, I thought our dream was becoming a nightmare because I experienced some bleeding. I was scared to death when it happened because I knew that any bleeding needed to be reported to my doctor right away. So I called, and his nurse asked me a ton of questions including if it was light or dark, if I was experiencing any cramping, or if I had engaged in any activity that would cause irritation to my cervix (a.k.a. sex). The bleeding was light, there was no cramping, and I had sex less than 24 hours before the bleeding started. The nurse assured me that it was probably irritation and nothing more, and my appointment the next day confirmed that fact. I can finally write about this episode at 25 weeks pregnant without having a lump in my throat.
I hadn't had any episodes like that for the rest of my pregnancy until this past week. Last Sunday, I was sitting in church listening to the sermon. After it was over and I stood up, I felt this gush of liquid fall out of me. Immediately, I ran to the bathroom to check, I wasn't really sure what I was looking for. It wasn't blood, but it was definitely something. I called the on-call doctor who told me that it might be amniotic fluid (water breaking) or simply urine. He said if it kept happening that I should directly to Labor & Delivery at my hospital, somewhere I didn't expect to be for 3 1/2 months! Nothing really changed the rest of the day, but I wanted to be sure.
So I went to the maternity center where I was gowned and hooked up to all these machines to see if I was having any contractions or if the baby's heartbeat was dropping. I did all this while they took a sample of the fluid I was leaking to test. It was the longest 2 hours of my life, because if the test came back that it was amniotic fluid then it meant that I would have to deliver my baby within 24 hours. I know plenty of babies survive at this age, especially when I'm blessed to be in an area with such great medical technology. But I really would rather my baby stay inside me for as long as possible. The test came back negative for amniotic fluid, and I breathed a sigh of relief. But it was embarrassing to spend 2 hours in the ER to be told that I peed on myself.
These episodes can happen in any pregnancy, normal or high risk. I know that. But I feel like having type 1 diabetes makes me acutely aware to my body and anything going wrong. Or it could be that I'm just a paranoid woman going through her first pregnancy, I'm not sure which. I'm well out of the "danger zone" and headed into the home stretch of my pregnancy, but I don't know if I'll ever quit worrying about my daughter. Even when she's on the outside.