Food Guilt

Pregnancy and Diabetes Blog

Food Guilt

I have always considered myself to be one of those diabetics that felt like they could eat anything.  I never felt like having a broken pancreas should prevent me from having some of my favorite foods.  I thought with the right amount of insulin, carb counting, and proper planning that I could conquer any meal set before me.  So I have had my share of pizza, Mexican burritos, and Chinese cuisine.  Some attempts were a miss and I would spend the rest of the day streaming in bolus after bolus, but with enough trial and error I would get a few wins and keep a streamline on my CGM. 


But ever since I became pregnant, my food philosophy has taken a 180 degree turn.  I feel the greatest amount of guilt if my blood glucose goes above what I think it should be.  As soon as the high alarm goes off on my Dexcom, I immediately begin an increased basal to try to bring it down as fast as I can.  If it does not come down right away (like, say, 5 minutes), I start stacking boluses until I see a downward trend.  This stressful process usually results in me eventually correcting a low later on and fighting a rebound high. 


I wish I could be more patient with these highs, but I feel like they should not happen in the first place.  Once the glucoaster is over, I go through an emotional roller coaster where I beat myself up for even thinking about any unnecessary carbs.  I then start fretting about any damage I am doing to my little baby while it is growing inside me.  But any time I feel the little bub moving inside me or hear its heartbeat at the doctor's office, I feel a little better and wonder why I worried about any highs in the first place.  I am diabetic, after all, highs are bound to happen even by accident. 


I go back to my endocrinologist after the New Year, and I can honestly say that this appointment is the first I have been nervous about since finding out I was pregnant.  I highly doubt that I will be able to boast another 5.2% A1c like I did at my last appointment.  My averages in my meter are still fine, certainly within the safe range for pregnancy.  But I feel like this upward trend is just the beginning of the increase in insulin dosage I will need before my pregnancy is over.  I have heard that the general rule of thumb is I will increase my insulin by three times what it was pre-pregnancy.   I just hope that I can stay ahead of this trend before my averages get too high. 


It is hard to tell if these increase in highs are due to my increasing insulin needs or the holiday festivities.  I always have a higher trend in numbers when I travel because I am out of my routine and usually enjoying good carb-loaded food.  Right now I am doing this blog post from my parents' home over Christmas break.  Tomorrow we go back to our town and, hopefully, my routine for diabetes management.  I also have an ultrasound appointment to look forward to next week, so hopefully my worries over these few bad days will get me over this funk and enjoy being pregnant again.