Exploring Internal Work to Address Emotional Eating: Tips and Strategies

Emotional eating is when we eat in response to our emotions, not because we are physically hungry. This can contribute to excess weight, which often leads to feelings of shame and embarrassment, which may result in more emotional eating. For many of us, this also leads to an unhealthy relationship with food, and it becomes more difficult to distinguish between actual physical hunger and emotional hunger. If this is you, you’re not alone.   

To break this cycle, we need to understand some of the reasons why we turn to food when we are experiencing uncomfortable emotions. Ultimately, it’s important to address why we self-soothe with food in the first place.

My self-soothing with food started at a young age. I grew up in an active alcoholic home where there was a lot of chaos, uncertainty, fear, shame, and embarrassment. My go-to strategy for dealing with all of those big emotions was to eat. I realized much later in life that you can only feel so sad, so angry, or so anxious before you have to do something that makes you feel better. My coping strategy was, and still is, food. 

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with diabetes that I finally started to figure out some things. Having survived cancer three times, you might think I would be more motivated to get healthy. For the most part, I was, but I couldn’t achieve long-lasting results no matter how hard I tried. On the day I was diagnosed with diabetes, something clicked. I finally realized that I needed to figure out why I was self-soothing with food and start doing some internal work, or nothing was going to permanently change. 

The problem? I had no idea where to start. These behaviors had been a good friend for the better part of 50 years; they weren’t going to go away easily. But they had to go. I had to learn new, healthier behaviors and strategies to build a healthier, sustainable lifestyle. But first, I had to look inward and explore my relationship with food. 

If this is something you think you are ready to do or are curious about, you’re in luck. There are tons of resources available to help you. 

Tips for Getting Started:

1. Think about how you like to engage 

Do you like to talk through your questions, experiences, or challenges? If so, a therapist, counselor, or coach might be a good place to start. Do you prefer to go at your own pace by reading and studying on your own? Then look for books, videos, or self-paced online classes to help you get started on your journey. Do you like journaling or just want to try it out? There are some excellent self-guided journals with thoughtful prompts that can guide you on your journey toward figuring out why you turn to food when you’re not physically hungry. These self-reflections can also help to identify the behaviors you might want to change. 

One of these approaches may work, or you might want to combine a few of them. If one doesn’t work, try another. You’ll find the right one. Don’t be surprised if you feel the need to go deeper once you get started. If that happens, you’ll know what to do next and who or what to help you move forward. 

2. Begin with an open mind

It is so easy to be judgmental about ourselves. We blame, shame, and tear ourselves down, especially when we stumble or fail. There is no right or wrong here. This is about you and your journey. A lot of people are afraid to look too closely at themselves. They may fear what they will find or truths they may not be ready to face. If this is you, start gently. Is it possible you’ll need to deal with some uncomfortable issues? Yes. Can it be emotional? Absolutely. It’s also freeing. Letting go of what’s holding us back can be scary, but it’s worth it. 

3. Pause. 

Something everyone can do to get started is to pause when you reach for food when you aren’t physically hungry. For most of us, we eat mindlessly throughout the day. In fact, if we were asked what we ate that day, most of us would forget a lot of what we consumed. When you reach for food, pause and think about why. How are you feeling? Ask yourself, “Am I really hungry or is something else going on?” Start a daily journal and write down what you are feeling or what is going on when you want to reach for a snack when you know you aren’t physically hungry. Soon, a pattern will emerge, and that’s valuable information.  

Understandably, it can be challenging to distinguish between emotional and physical hunger, but pausing is powerful. This simple step can disrupt mindless eating and give you enough time to think about what is actually going on. It gives you the opportunity to sit with your feelings for a moment. If you consistently write down these moments, you begin to get a picture of what specific events, emotions, or situations trigger your emotional eating. 

4. Identify your values

Have you ever found yourself angry or hurt but not sure why? Sometimes it’s hard to label why we’re upset. One way to start figuring this out is by identifying our personal values. Most of us have never thought about our values or what matters most to us. It’s different for everyone, but it’s important to identify them because it’s common to get upset when our values are dismissed or ignored. Knowing why you are getting angry or hurt is important in your journey, and identifying your values is a crucial first step. There are numerous worksheets and exercises online or in books that can help you identify what you value most. Understanding why you’re turning to food helps reconcile your relationship with it and makes developing alternative, healthier strategies easier.

5. Avoid setting big expectations

I don’t know about you, but anytime I start something new, I go all in! I expect results fast. That’s not how this works. Self-reflection, sitting with our emotions, and trying to understand why we react the way we do takes time. Immediate answers don’t always come. Sometimes we make connections quickly, but often it takes a while to peel away the layers until we get to the core of why we self-soothe with food. There are always self-protective layers that don’t want you to be that honest or that raw. That’s ok. Keep going, take your time, and be gentle. Keep collecting this data. You’ll figure out things that will surprise you, disappoint you, and free you. 

This isn’t a race, and there is no end. It’s all about continuing to better understand yourself, why you turn to food, and developing strategies to reclaim your power. The thing to remember is that you are important and you are worth the effort. If at any point you feel you need to reach out to a counselor or coach to assist you in your journey, they’re available. 

6. Just start.

If anything here resonates with you, and you’re starting to think about what your journey would look like, then you are ready to begin. However, thinking about it and actually doing it are two different things. Fear is a powerful emotion, and for some, it’s enough to prevent them from moving forward at all. We’ve all made a decision to do something and then spent way too much time preparing ourselves to do it. Researching some books or classes to get started, or reviewing a few self-guided journals to find the right one, are good ideas. Spending some time finding the right counselor or coach? Absolutely a good idea. Over-preparing to avoid jumping in? Not necessary. The best time to start is now. As you grow, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start this sooner. It doesn’t matter, though, you’re on your way. 

Having diabetes can be daunting. Exploring our relationship with food can be complicated. However, you don’t have to do it alone. DiabetesSisters is here for you. They have valuable resources to assist you on your journey. I encourage you to try one of their many webinars and workshops designed to bring you up-to-date and relevant information. They also hold peer-led support groups (Meetups) to provide you with opportunities to ask questions and share your experiences with others. A critical partner in your journey, DiabetesSisters can help you put your health first.